Lessons I have Learned from My Brother’s Untimely Death

It is extremely important that we grieve. In fact, that grief will take on various forms and stages for the rest of our lives! We won’t ever “get over” this. It is also extremely important for us to learn from this death and to move forward. If you will indulge me, I would like to briefly share what I am learning and how this very painful experience will be changing me in the rough days ahead.

The source of my learning is derived from God’s Word (Galatians 6:1-10) and from my humble observations.

1) I need to be looking to help others who feel trapped in their sin with the goal of restoring them. My radar must be on looking for need in others.

2) We reap what we sow. God has made this a certainty. To think otherwise is self deception. Unfortunately, in his last moments, Clay was full of self deception.

3) I AM my brother’s keeper. (Genesis 4:9)

4) This day was avoidable! Only because of my brother’s terribly selfish decision, are we gathered here. Let’s not ever gather together again under these circumstances.

5) What really matters are the things that really last. Physical and temporal things are significantly less important than relational and spiritual things.

6) I simply cannot continue to put off doing good for others – I need to do it now while I have the opportunity. Such examples are:

• on-time B-day cards
• apt words of encouragement
• timely phone calls
• simple gestures of thoughtfulness & kindness
• time investments to build relationships

With shame, I must admit, that Clay was far better at doing this than I have ever been.

7) Relationships with people matter. We all need close friends.

8) Keep going… God will give the strength to carry on. To be honest, I am not sure just what I am going to do without my brother. I don’t really know how I will carry on and what my life will be like – but I must keep living it!!

9) The VERY BEST gift that I can give others is to let them know by my word and by my life that I am ready for heaven, no matter what may happen to me. How about you, today? Are you ready for heaven? Do your loved ones know this for sure?

Excerpt from message delivered at memorial service for

Clay O. Selley on Sat, Sept 20, 2008 by Brad D. Selley,

Clay’s youngest brother.